Platinum Hair Without Bride's Permission

Question - Platinum Hair Without Bride's Permission

Dear Karen,

I'm the maid of honor in a wedding around Thanksgiving. Without discussing my decision with the bride, who is my future sister-in-law living in another state, I bleached my hair platinum blonde.  It was originally a dark brunette with some lighter highlights.

When my mom mentioned to my brother about my drastic hair change, he told the bride who called me on the phone and demanded I immediately color my hair back to its original shade.

When I pressed her for reasons why, she had several.  She said I should have asked her permission before changing my hair and that being so blonde, I would take attention away from her.

My future sister-in-law is blonde, but some of the other bridesmaids are also blonde.  I don't see what the big deal is, but my first thought is to just drop out of the wedding.  In fact, I'm thinking that if my future sister-in-law is going to try and control my hair color, I'm not going to even go to the wedding.

I feel like she is being completely unreasonable and other things I would rather not say.  Of course she has now dragged my mother and brother into the hair color controversy and I am just completely fed up with the entire bridezilla situation.

What would you advise me to do?

Thanks,

Heather

Answer

Dear Heather,

Thanks for your email and for visiting HairBoutique.com.  I completely understand your dilemma and am so sorry to hear of your hair challenges.

Many times weddings are filled with lots of emotional drama and tension over a wide range of issues including hair color, length and style.  Sometimes a bride feels that if someone has agreed to be in their wedding party they have the final say in how that person's hair should look.

While I can definitely sympathize about your current hair dilemma, I can understand the bride may feel betrayed that you took your hair to a completely different color without first discussing it with her first.  Sometimes brides do get touchy about their attendants changing their hair color before the wedding since they may have selected the colors for the various bridesmaid gowns to work with the various hair colors.

In your case you went to a completely different color and unfortunately the color is the same as the bride's hair color.  The fact that you are the maid of honor means you definitely will be positioned next to her in several wedding photos.  This might explain her touchiness about your hair color being the same as hers.

You're in a much more delicate situation than most people since you are dealing with making hair decisions which could set the tone for a long time family situation.   Whatever you decide to do about your hair could have long range ramifications for the future relationship with your brother, your new sister-in-law and potentially other family members.

Making Right Decisions - Platinum Hair Without Bride's Permission

Of course you have to make the right decision for you and your hair.  Take your time and try to consider all the possible ramifications which are involved.  Start by asking the bride what she really wants you to do with your hair.  Once you know what she truly wants, you can proceed with offering options and compromises.

Listed below are some options you might consider and discuss in a calm manner with the bride:

1.  If the bride wants you to return to brunette, you might offer to wear a high quality human hair or similar style of brunette wig in the wedding and for the wedding photos.  This would eliminate the issue of your platinum hair clashing with the bride's hair.  Also, if would mean that you wouldn't have to dye your hair back to its original brunette hue.

2.  Keep the platinum but suggest bridal appropriate hair accessories (flowers, headbands, jeweled barrettes, tiara combs) be added to the bridesmaid's hair which would set you apart from the bride and yet avoid the need for a new wig or a major color correction session at the hair salon.

3.  Agree to have your hair colored back to brunette if the bride will underwrite the costs.  If you try to color your hair back to brunette at home you may encounter various hair color problems which might look worse than if you stayed with the current platinum.

Note:  A good hair color expert can take you from platinum blonde back to brunette through a variety of steps which will result in the desired color.  While a good color expert can work miracles, the color work can be costly.

4.  Suggest a new hair style.  Maybe the bride would be alright with your platinum hair is you had extensions added or had several inches cut from the current length.  It might not just be the color which is bothering the bride, but the current length or style.  She might be willing to compromise on a new hairstyle which would allow you to keep the current platinum color.

5.  Ask the bride if you might keep the platinum color but wear your hair in a completely different up or down style than she has planned.  If your hair is up and hers is down, that would be another distinction at the wedding.

Of course ultimately how you and the bride are able to work out this dilemma will set the tone for your future long term relationship.  I hope you are able to have a calm talk with the bride and work things out.

While I completely understand your need to have the freedom to wear your hair any color, length or style you desire, sometimes situations make hair independence more difficult.

Good luck to you and your future sister-in-law.

Best wishes,

Karen

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